Dear Kylie

I love you so much! Your so cute I saw you the other day. I thought you were gonna be a boy my entire pregnancy. I had a dream the night before the ultrasound. I dreamt I was in the ultrasound room and I told the lady I think it's a boy and she says it's a girl! I said to her "are you sure check again"?She said "nope it's a girl". So I woke up thinking it could be a girl! And sure enough you are! You looked so much more developed then the first time I saw you! I could see your little nose and mouth, I think your gonna look like me and daddy but more like me. You were opening and closing your mouth :) and you had your little legs crossed. At one point you had your hand out and I could see your little bones. :) I could see your spine too. I love you so much my baby girl. I'm 15 weeks and I'm start to feel you move a little it feels like taps or like something is running across my tummy. I promise I'll be the best mom and I'll teach you about God and all the beautiful things in life. You'll be smart and kind and you'll love the theater and ballet and you'll be athletic like mommy. I can't wait to meet you honey. I promise I'll make sure your healthy and you stay a kid as long as you can. I'll write you again really soon. I love you sweetie. 

Love 

Mommy

I found this letter in my notes in my phone from when I was pregnant with kylie. I thought it was adorable to I had to share :) 

Easter

Here is some photos of easter this year. We went to Sunday service and then had some friends over for a late lunch and Easter egg hunt. 

Loving Myself

    I'm starting to realize that life isn't about the way I look. I see these beautiful moms that are thin and dressed well and I envy them. I envy their confidents and I envy the fact that I don’t look like them. I waste a lot of time being sad about my weight. I don’t dress nice, I don’t even wear make up anymore. I feel like I can’t hide the fact that I'm fat, so why try. It’s so hard for me to not stress out about getting thinner and looking good. I've been struggling with my weight for years and I look back and I don't get what I was so stressed out about? I looked fine. Now that I’m at my heaviest, I don't feel pretty. It's hard to not put myself down. Life is so much more then looks and clothes. I am a child of God; in his eyes I am perfect. I need to stop hating my body and just enjoy life. This body made a human! And that's amazing! I want to learn how to love myself again. My goal shouldn't be a size, I don’t want to stress about looking great in a bikini. Wishing I could fit into a size, that I will never fit into. I don’t want worry about my weight, if/when I become pregnant; I want to enjoy that pregnancy. I should focus on being healthy and everything will fall into place. I know it’s easier said then done, but I really want this.

       What am I teaching my daughter? What will this do for her self-esteem? I want her to feel good about herself and love herself no matter what. If she sees me putting myself down and not looking nice because I feel like I’m not worthy of feeling pretty. She will think the same of herself. I don’t want that for my wonderful, beautiful child. Because God loves her he made her and in his eyes and mine, she is perfection. In God’s eyes I am perfection. For some reason I don't see it but today I’m choosing to start.

 

      In the past I never had a weight problem. I wasn’t that teen that was always on a diet or that worked out like crazy. Yes I played sports and I worked out because my coaches made me. Girls around me would talk about their bodies and all the things they wanted to change. I always thought it was so weird (it never crossed my mind). I didn’t think I was perfect but I didn’t think I was fat and I didn't think I need to change anything. I had small breast until I had a child. And for a while I wanted a boob job but after a while I thought boys like me and I don’t have big boobs maybe it’s not as important. I never really had body image problems until I started to gain weight. When I started taking birth control and dating my husband and then it was down hill from there. What I didn’t realize was that my boyish figure (110-115) was turning into a woman’s figure (135-145). Its been an up and down battle ever since. I can’t even count how many great days and holidays that I felt so upset because I thought I was fat or I was busy comparing myself to everyone around me. I didn’t let myself enjoy the moment. I want to enjoy the moment! I want to love myself! I want to feel beautiful! And it starts with me working on myself in the inside and it will shine through the outside.

    I pray god helps me discover these things and helps me realize how amazing I am. I pray god helps me realize my worth! Thank you Jesus!

 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful I know that full well.”  Psalm 139 13-14

This Mommy Needs Sleep!

          So ever since we got to Florida Kylie's sleep schedule has been awful! At first it was jet lag then I finally got her on a good routine. When we got in our house and settled in Jacksonville. But every time we would go down to Orlando, which was a lot. Actually too many times in my opinion, it would ruin the great progress I made with Kylie’s naps and routine. On the days that Kylie is well rested and has had her two naps and goes to bed on time. She’s a doll barely any tantrums. But when she over tired I feel so guilty for going to Orlando so much or just the fact that my poor baby is over tired! So I’m constantly trying to make sure we are on schedule and things run smoothly. Now that she’s older she just doesn’t want to nap. she goes from good weeks were she naps beautifully to horrible weeks were its a nightmare to try and get her to sleep.  I feel like we've tried everything from cry it out, to rocking her and of course I still breastfeed her. I’m at my wits end! She still ends up in our bed at night between 2-430am to nurse. I dont mind co-sleeping and nursing for a little, but she will nurse all night most of the time and it drives me nuts. Because I'm up most of the night switching sides and I can tell we are both not sleeping well. Anyway that’s my frustration lately with my life other then that I am truly blessed. I feel like maybe Kylie is just transitioning to taking one nap instead of two a day. Whatever it is I will continue to keep her on schedule and stick with our routine! 

      Kylie is so sweet and so smart. Lately she’s been showing interest in talking more, she will say a few words randomly once then she wont say them again. Her favorite movie is curious George boofest Halloween movie it’s been her favorite for months. She cracks me up with she say uoo! (Boo). She’s finally said dada well she says it randomly same with mama. But she’s been saying mama since about 7 months. The only word she consistently says is stop! To the dog when he barks at anything she’s so bossy. She’s my best friend and stuck to me like glue. 

     Working out has been great! I’m still going to the gym and kicking butt. I just feel so impatient I just want to see results already! Daniel says I look like I’ve lost some weight but the scale is just moving so slow. The past two days I've really been watching what and how much I eat and I feel like that’s made a huge difference. Only time will tell!

     All in all life is pretty great I'm just enjoying being a mommy and wife. I really can’t complain god has truly blessed me. Please prey for me with the sleep problems that Kylie's going through. 

I'm Back!

      I decided to start bloging again. I stopped because I felt like no one was reading my blog. I really didn’t have time for it while I was pregnant. I tried to keep up with it but I didn’t do a good job of that. Then after I had Kylie I was so stressed out I just spent her first year of life doing the best I could. Learning and growing as a mom, blogging was the last thing on my mind. 

        I got to thinking and I realized it would be nice to look back on memories that I've been making with my little girl. I post on fackbook daily, I have for years. But after a while you can’t find some of the old post. So here I am back to blogging if people read it then great. If they don’t that’s fine too because I am doing this for myself. This is a place for me to store my precious memories, so hello blogger world. 

     Since I’ve been gone you missed a lot. Kylie is now 13 months old actually she will be 14 months on the 2nd. She’s walking and has been since 11 months. She’s a doll and has the sweetest personality. My mom says she’s a lot like I was when I was her age. A lot of her personality and looks favor me. Don't get me wrong shes also a lot like her father. She looks like him a little but she’s truly my mini. I love her to pieces she’s teaching me new things daily and I hope I am doing the same for her. 

         I’ve been focusing on my relationship with God and just trying to not be the luke-warm Christian I was in the past. I mean I’ve always been a believer but boy did I fluctuate on being consistence with my walk. I feel like I'm back on track. It's important to me to raise Kylie and my future childern  as Christians, living for God. I want her to see me living for God as well lead by example i can talk to her all i want but she has to see me doing it. I've realized I can't keep thinking I have all this time to start a great relationship  with God and living the way he wants me to. because I have no idea how much time I have on this earth. I love that I'm finally serious about my walk and truly living for God. It has been the best decision I've made. 

          As you can see by my old post my marriage was so up and down all the time. I can finally say yes, I am still married to the same man and yes we are finally in a good place and happy. It took five years (we’ve been married for 6 so far) but after Kylie was born things just kept getting better and better. I love being Mrs. Caballero. I love my husband to pieces. God has truly blessed me

       Weight has been a huge issue in my life I've blogged about it a lot. I’ve been so up and down and honestly when I thought I was huge. I had no idea what huge was. I'm the biggest i've ever been now. Well actually I was my biggest at 9 months pregnant but that doesn’t count. The first year of Kylie's life I didn’t care about my weight. I was so tired and stressed and always breastfeeding that I felt like I could always lose weight. My main focus was being a great mommy. Anyway she’s one and I finally feel like I have the hang of this mom gig. So I’ve been back in the gym since January and it has been hard! It’s been hard to make it a habit to go five days a week! It’s been hard building my endurance! I was in horrible shape in January, now I feel like i'm getting better! My biggest struggle is not eating badly.  Its a challenge, especially since I ate whatever I wanted for so long and didn’t exercise. Today I can say it is now a habit I am in the gym, four to five days a week and i make sure i kick my own butt. Now if only I can control what goes in my mouth! Pray for me y'all! 

I will try to blog more often! I know my grammar and spelling is horrible but no one is perfect I guess lol.  For now here are A LOT of awesome pictures of my baby girl.

Me on the left and kyile on the right see shes my mini!

New Years Resolutions

I'm not one to make goals for the new year but I thought why not so many new things are happening this year. I love making list and goals so I might as well join in all the fun. So here goes...
1. Read at least 5 books
2. grow in my walk with the lord/do bible study daily/go to church more often
3. run two 5k
4. eat more healthier
5. dont stress about losing weight
6. stay active! workout at least 5 times a week
7. do more crafting
8. keep the house clean
9. be a great mom
10. be a better wife
 I'll keep am update on how things are going with these goals.

Pregnancy Update!

           I've been seriously slacking for about a year on blogging. Part of the reason is because no one really reads my blog. Another reason is because I've had a lot of personal things to work through for a while. Anyway I'm 34 weeks and 3 days my baby girl is healthy and active. I've had an easy pregnancy other then finding out I have gestation diabetes. That was really hard for me to adjust to I had to completely change my diet and start checking my blood sugar 4 times a day and take medication. Since I'm considered high risk They will not let me go pass 39 weeks they will be inducing me. That ruined my plans of my medication free birth plan which I've accepted. Anyway christmas was okay kind of boring since we weren't with family and I'm so uncomfortable my body aches all the time. New Years was fun Daniel and I had game night with our friends. I'm excited about this year I'm ready to be a mom and move to florida,Yes Daniel and I got orders to move finally. Well here are some belly and maternity photos.

Maternity Photoshoot 

28 weeks ultrasound!