Easter

Here is some photos of easter this year. We went to Sunday service and then had some friends over for a late lunch and Easter egg hunt. 

Loving Myself

    I'm starting to realize that life isn't about the way I look. I see these beautiful moms that are thin and dressed well and I envy them. I envy their confidents and I envy the fact that I don’t look like them. I waste a lot of time being sad about my weight. I don’t dress nice, I don’t even wear make up anymore. I feel like I can’t hide the fact that I'm fat, so why try. It’s so hard for me to not stress out about getting thinner and looking good. I've been struggling with my weight for years and I look back and I don't get what I was so stressed out about? I looked fine. Now that I’m at my heaviest, I don't feel pretty. It's hard to not put myself down. Life is so much more then looks and clothes. I am a child of God; in his eyes I am perfect. I need to stop hating my body and just enjoy life. This body made a human! And that's amazing! I want to learn how to love myself again. My goal shouldn't be a size, I don’t want to stress about looking great in a bikini. Wishing I could fit into a size, that I will never fit into. I don’t want worry about my weight, if/when I become pregnant; I want to enjoy that pregnancy. I should focus on being healthy and everything will fall into place. I know it’s easier said then done, but I really want this.

       What am I teaching my daughter? What will this do for her self-esteem? I want her to feel good about herself and love herself no matter what. If she sees me putting myself down and not looking nice because I feel like I’m not worthy of feeling pretty. She will think the same of herself. I don’t want that for my wonderful, beautiful child. Because God loves her he made her and in his eyes and mine, she is perfection. In God’s eyes I am perfection. For some reason I don't see it but today I’m choosing to start.

 

      In the past I never had a weight problem. I wasn’t that teen that was always on a diet or that worked out like crazy. Yes I played sports and I worked out because my coaches made me. Girls around me would talk about their bodies and all the things they wanted to change. I always thought it was so weird (it never crossed my mind). I didn’t think I was perfect but I didn’t think I was fat and I didn't think I need to change anything. I had small breast until I had a child. And for a while I wanted a boob job but after a while I thought boys like me and I don’t have big boobs maybe it’s not as important. I never really had body image problems until I started to gain weight. When I started taking birth control and dating my husband and then it was down hill from there. What I didn’t realize was that my boyish figure (110-115) was turning into a woman’s figure (135-145). Its been an up and down battle ever since. I can’t even count how many great days and holidays that I felt so upset because I thought I was fat or I was busy comparing myself to everyone around me. I didn’t let myself enjoy the moment. I want to enjoy the moment! I want to love myself! I want to feel beautiful! And it starts with me working on myself in the inside and it will shine through the outside.

    I pray god helps me discover these things and helps me realize how amazing I am. I pray god helps me realize my worth! Thank you Jesus!

 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful I know that full well.”  Psalm 139 13-14