Finally I've found out why things have been so rocky between daniel and I. He hasn't been happy that I've been so busy with school. I am usually at home making sure the house is kept up and taking care of his every need. But with 7 classes 6 days a week I have had barely anytime to be there as an attentive wife. It has been hard for me this semester to juggle home and so much school. I feel like I took way too much on at one time. Some women don't think that a wife should be stuck at home cooking and cleaning and keeping the house. But I knew I wanted to be the kind of wife that puts her families needs first.Call it being a "stay-at-home"say its not a "real job" but to me its the hardest job in the world. No sick days NO vacations 24/7, 7 days a week ,365 days a year. I wouldn't have it any other way and I can't wait to start having childern, taking of them to the best of my ablities. Yes my last post seemed like I was depressed or like I want out of my life as a wife but thats not the case. I would love to run away to the northeast with my husband. when we fight (like a normal women) I feel like I want to be alone. But deep down in my heart I know that I don't want to live without my husband. It gets overwhelming when I realize that most of our decisions in life favor him. I am a navy wife, navy first family second that is how we live. I love supporting my husband, I don't mind putting him first I enjoy doing all of these things. He is an amazing man and I am only human to want to be selfish at times. Daniel and are complete opposite, he loves hip hop and its culture he is an introvert. I on the other hand and a indie folk lover,an enivormentalist ( or atleast i try to be) extremely outgoing an extravert. We complete each other We balance each other out. I love this about us, I guess what I am trying to say is that my life isn't as bad as my overdramatic-self tries to make look. Anyway he wasn't use to being a bit neglated and having school being my priority. In the past he didn't want me to be at home so much. He want me to be a fulltime student and to get a job. I guess now he has realized what he wants for us as a couple.Things have gotten great between us in the past few months We have talked out our differences and We have come to an understanding. Deployment is right around the corner and We want to spend the next few months that We have left enjoying each others company. I dont know how I am going to adapt to being alone for however long he will be gone. But I know that with god on my side and my families support we both can get through this. I have decided that I want to continues to build a better relationship with god. Its so easy to push him away when things aren't going great but I understand that is when I need him the most.I feel like I am ready to devote myself to him because at the end of the day god is truely first.
The topic about babies has came up recently in our marriage. I expressed the fact that I want to try and start a family when he gets back and he didn't shoot it down. Babies is a touchy subject for us because We can never be on the same page about it. Daniel has wanted to wait and I have wanted babies since year one. I am greatful that my husband didn't just give in to my requests in the past, We needed this time to grow. We have fought over this subject for years he has always shot it down. So the fact that he is open to it now and had a big smile when I brought it up has me extremely happy and excited. I guess We will see what happens when the time comes. I can't wait to become a mother, ever since highschool all I wanted was a husband and childern. I was never a career driven women, being a housewife was my dream. Yes I am going to school because I want to educate myself and I do want a career. But I will not compromise my dutys at home for any of it. I did for school and I realized that its really not what I want. I love dance and I want to continue to grow and learn from it, maybe even teach one day. But my true passion is with animals I want to work with artic animals endanger/threatened species. I am still trying to figure what degree fits me.I started insanity workout today with my friend Alexa and I am confident that I will continue until the 60 days are up and more. I am so committed to losing weight and bettering myself and I am happy that I finally have the motavation to do so.
Its funny how people come into your life and try to ruin it. they are out to hurt you and expect you to dewell on them and the pain that they caused and their actions. Someone came into my life and tried to destory it but it backfired. Things only got better with my husband and it has made us so much stronger. it felt great to hear him tell me that all of that mess just made him realize that he only wants to be with me.We have learned so many lessons and we have grown so much in the past few months. Our marriage is amazing and nothing will ever break us or tear us apart. It feels amazing to hear my husband say that these past few months have been the happiest of his life, that he can't picture his life without me and that I will always have his heart. He wrote me a letter and something that he said really touched my heart he said"I will always fight for you. Always and forever until my
last breathe leaves this body". He also said that I am the best wife a husband can have. I love that he not only said this stuff and much more to me but has followed through with all of it and has mad me feel so amazing. He has shown me how much I really mean to him. God works in crazy ways he has blessed us and opened our eyes to the things We needed. I am so greatful for him, I can't wait to see what my future has in store, I can't wait to have babies!!!! So now deployment is a hurdle that we have to get through so please pray for us to have strenght.Camla
